


You're Crashing, but You're No Wave

by mellod89



Series: Song Verse [17]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Mentions of past misgendering, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Past Sexual Abuse, Pre-Relationship, Rape Recovery, Rape Trial, Therapy, Trans Armin Arlert, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-04
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-02 07:57:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4052395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mellod89/pseuds/mellod89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Armin hated this. He hated not being able to touch his best friend. He hated being afraid of being close to people. Every glance, every facial expression, every move anyone made towards him was analyzed for danger. His therapist said that the paranoia would lesson in time, and that he would eventually get better.<br/>Armin had a hard time believing that. </p>
<p>Conclusion to the Dark!Marmin trilogy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And Everybody’s looking for relief

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ!  
> Hello all! Long time no see. Life got really busy since I started grad school, but I digress. 
> 
> Here is the final installment that you all have been waiting for! It's completely written, I just have to edit the rest of the chapters, which there's no telling exactly when that will happen. Sorry, school takes priority, so updates will be intermittent. Also, this is a full on courtroom drama, so any inaccuracies are on me. I did my best to be realistic, but shit happens. 
> 
> If you're new to the story, stop! First off, this explores some very dark themes and is not for the feint of heart so heed the warnings since I will be going into graphic detail in later chapters. Second, if the warnings didn't stop you, you should read the first two installments [Good Enough](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3086516) and [Face Down](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3405155) before you read this. Things will make more sense then.
> 
> Here's a link to the song this was inspired by: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNqpcW9-mHw
> 
> Finally, if you see something that should be tagged, but isn't please let me know! I tried to remember everything, but it's late and I'm tired, but I've been telling myself that I would get this chapter up for weeks, and I finally had the free time to do it. So without further delay, here's the beginning of the end!

**Marco Bodt: Sinner or Saint?**

By James Peterson

##### Seattle Times staff reporter

Controversy surrounds the campus of Sina University as the trial of Marco Bodt, chapter president of Alpha Nu Fraternity Incorporated, goes underway this week. As you may remember, three months ago Bodt was arrested and accused of blackmail, sex trafficking, domestic abuse, and rape, of his boyfriend, trans male, Armin Arlert. The news came to light after Arlert attempted to commit suicide in his campus dorm room.

Several members of the fraternity, who were also accused of participating in these heinous acts, have plead no contest, which begs the question of why? What exactly happened within the walls of Alpha Nu’s frat house that all of its lower members would fall on their sword, but their chapter president is still standing?

People close to Bodt have said that these accusations are groundless.

“Marco would never hurt anyone. He’s the nicest guy I’ve ever met. One time, he even

| stopped some guys from attacking me on the way back to my dorm room. Once the guys scattered, he walked with me the rest of the way to make sure I got back safe. Does that sound like someone capable of rape?” 

“Marco is the type of guy that would do whatever he could to help, even if all he did was point you in the direction of someone who knew more information than he did. I just can’t see him doing something like that.”

Based on popular opinion Bodt is the next Jesus coming and can do no wrong, but this is not the first accusation of its kind about Sina University’s chapter of Alpha Nu. In 2011, members were involved in an incident where several new pledges were hospitalized after a hazing ritual gone wrong, and in 2005, then chapter president Flegel Reeves, was caught bribing and blackmailing several professors into fixing grades for several of its members. It would seem that this fraternity can’t escape controversy, and seriously needs to be investigated.

[[Read More] ](html_images.asp)  
  
---|---  
  
_“_ Why are you reading that?”

Armin looked over his shoulder at Eren. “I have to see what people are saying.”

“You know their opinions don’t matter right?” Eren sat on the back of the couch. “All that matters is what happens in court.”

“Yeah well, the same people that are determining Marco’s fate have access to all of this crap. It’s better to know what they think of me now then to find out later.”

Eren frowned. “Aren’t they not supposed to read that stuff? Ya know, ‘cause it’ll cloud their opinion or something?”

“Doesn’t mean that they didn’t hear about any of this before they were picked for the case.”

Eren rolled his eyes and sighed. “You still shouldn’t be reading this stuff.”

“And you shouldn’t be sitting on the back of my couch.” Mikasa walked past Eren smacking him on the back of his head. “Off.”

“Ow.” Eren turned and glared at her, rubbing the sore spot as he slid down to sit next to Armin, taking care not to sit too closely.

“Are you both ready to go?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” Armin sighed closing his computer.

**

Mikasa showed Eren and Armin into a conference room. Book shelves lined the wall on the opposite end of the room, and one of the walls was entirely made of windows overlooking the city.

“Go ahead and have a seat. I’ll go let Erwin and Levi know we’re here.” Mikasa turned and left the room.

Armin sat closest to the door, and Eren sat next to him, accidentally brushing arms. Armin flinched away from him, and Eren mumbled an apology.

Armin hated this. He hated not being able to touch his best friend. He hated being afraid of being close to people. Every glance, every facial expression, every move anyone made towards him was analyzed for danger. His therapist said that the paranoia would lesson in time, and that he would eventually get better.

Armin had a hard time believing that.

After he was released from the hospital, he made the decision to take the rest of the semester off. As he made his way through campus, he could feel eyes burning into the back of his skull wherever he went. As he moved out of the dorm, loading his things into Mikasa’s car, he could hear people whispering his name. It wasn’t until he checked his Facebook that he realized why.

They found out that Marco was arrested.

They found out that he was the reason why.

But that wasn’t even the worst of it.

The pictures Marco took of him were everywhere. Someone made a fan page for them, and tagged him in each photo. Marco promised that if he was going to be a bad girl, he would pay for his transgressions, and he paid for them in spades. The whole world now knew that he was a slut and a freak.

His life was ruined.

He could barely leave Mikasa’s apartment as it was, but once the news leaked that he was suing Marco, he was all but ousted from society.

If his parents had been alive, what would they think of him? He could barely look his Grandfather in the face. He could feel the pity filled looks his friends gave him when they came by to visit. There was no way he could go back to Sina.

Worst of all, Eren still treated him like his best friend even after all Armin had put him through. Eren visited him regularly, made sure that he took his meds; he even altered his work schedule to make sure he could drive him to and from his therapy appointments. Armin didn’t deserve him.

“Sorry that took so long.”

Armin snapped out of his musings as his lawyers sat down.  “That’s ok. So what exactly are we doing today?”

“We are going to prep you and Eren for questioning for when you testify. It’ll give you a sense of what the defense will ask when you’re on the stand. All I want you to do is stay calm, and answer honestly. They’re going to do everything they can to unsettle you. They’ll twist the truth, make you angry, even get you to misspeak, but you can’t fall into their trap. If you answer the questions and stay level headed, everything will be fine.” Erwin smiled.

Armin nodded his head and glanced askance at Mikasa.

“You have nothing to worry about Armin. It’s an open and shut case. Levi is the best attorney you could have on your side. I wouldn’t be interning for him otherwise, and Erwin has one of the highest conviction rates in the city since he’s been instated as an ADA. You’re in good hands.” Mikasa smiled at him encouragingly.

Armin took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “Ok, I’m ready.”

“Good.” Erwin nodded his head. “Eren, if you’ll follow Levi, he’ll take you into the next room where he’ll prep you, then we can get started.”  

**

“How are things since I last saw you?”

Armin stared at Dr. Ral and shifted in his seat.

“Have you figured out what you want to do for school?”

Armin scoffed. “I can barely think about school with everything that’s going on.”

“I know that things are rough right now, but you should think about how you’re going to finish your education and move past this once it’s over.”

“But that’s just it. It will never be over. Somewhere out there are images of me, on the internet, looking like a cock whore.  Some people probably even downloaded them so they can fap to ‘em later. That page may have been taken down, but my reputation is completely ruined. All it takes is one search of my name, and this case pops up everywhere because some idiot decided to release my name. Even if I got over my fear of leaving the house, no school will take me, and no job will hire me.” Armin looked down to the floor and sighed. “I’m doomed to live out the rest of my life mooching off of my friends.”

Petra smirked. “I seriously doubt that. If someone doesn’t want to accept you into their school or hire you because of what happened to you or your gender, that’s on them. All you can do is be yourself and live out your life.” She leaned forward trying to meet his eyes. “The only person stopping you from moving forward is yourself.”

Armin groaned sitting up. “But how can I move forward? I’m terrified for my life. I can barely stand touching other people. Everything’s that’s happened to me will be public knowledge very soon…” Armin pulled his legs up into the chair to wrap his arms around them. “Before all of this happened, I was finally starting to feel more comfortable in my own skin. I wasn’t completely who I wanted to be, but I was a boy. All of my friends finally knew, and they were so accepting. They were the first ones to correct anyone on my gender.” Armin smiled lost in a memory. Things really had been getting better for him.

“And now?” Petra prompted.

Armin frowned closing his eyes. “Now, I can barely look at myself without cringing. I’m even more disgusted at my body. I feel like some freak. Before all of this, I knew I was a boy, but now… I don’t even know if I’m human. I just feel so trapped, and I–I can’t…” His breath came out in harsh pants, arms tightening around his legs, as tears began to pool.

“Take your time and breathe slowly.” Petra encouraged.

Armin kept his eyes closed focusing on his breathing. _In 1, 2,3,4,5. Out 1, 2,3,4,5._  As he relaxed he loosened his grip on his legs. He could talk about this. He had to talk about this. He didn’t want to think about his other alternatives.

“Nothing is turning out how I wanted it to be. I knew coming out and transitioning was going to be hard. I’ve heard so many horror stories, but my Grandfather and my friends have been supportive. Yeah, it took some getting used to, but they still loved me. But after all of this…” He opened his eyes for the first time in what felt like years. “I don’t understand how they could still want me around. I pushed them all away. I did things that would make them hate me. Why don’t they hate me?” They should hate him. He abandoned them, so why wouldn’t they do the same to him? 

Petra took a deep breath and sat back in her chair. “Sometimes, I think people get so angry at themselves for hurting the people that they love, that they want their loved ones to hurt them in return, even when they don’t deserve it. It’s our way of punishing ourselves, but it just further allows us to wallow in our mistakes.”

“Then what am I supposed to do? I seriously fucked things up, and I don’t want my taint to reach them.” Armin met Petra’s eyes, soul laid bare.

Petra crossed her legs, taking her time before speaking. “Well first, you have to accept that what happened to you wasn’t your fault. Someone took advantage of you. They used your need for acceptance to have their way with you. They had you cut ties from the people you love to gain full control of your life; to keep those loved ones from taking you away from them.”

Armin looked away from her, sinking into the chair hoping that she would finish soon. He really didn’t need what happened to him repeated.

Undeterred by Armin’s behavior, Petra continued. “You were abused. Marco is the one responsible, and he’s the one that has to pay for his crimes, not you. You have nothing to apologize for.”

Armin rolled his eyes. “Like Mast–Mar– _he_ would ever pay. He’s rich and powerful, and I’m nothing.”

Petra glared. “He won’t with that attitude. Have faith in your lawyers. Second, you have to love yourself. Right now, all of this self-hatred and blame is being bottled up. You think that it’s all your fault, and that you deserve every punishment in the book, but until you start telling yourself that you’re worth so much more than what Marco did to you, that you’re beautiful, and worth loving, you’ll continue to distance yourself from the very people trying to help you.”

Armin scoffed, “If only things were that easy.”

Petra smiled grimly. “The things in life that are worth it are never easy, but if you want to get better, you’ll have to work at it. Your life is worth fighting for, so screw all of the people that invalidate you. They aren’t worth your time. Your life and your story are just as important as anyone else’s. You just need to start believing it.”  

 


	2. Hang on a rope or bated breath which ever you prefer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trial commences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, all! Long time no see. Sorry, it's been so long. School and health have been kicking my butt, but I said I'd get this chapter up before I went to bed. The rest of the chapters just have to be edited and formatted, so hopefully it won't take me as long to pump out. No promises though. 
> 
> As a warning, we're about to go into graphic detail as to what happened to my poor Min-min baby, so if you see anything that I should have tagged, please let me know. Also, my knowledge of courtroom proceedings is limited to what I've researched and the plethora of crime/courtroom dramas I watch, so don't take what goes on to heart. 
> 
>  
> 
> Now without further delay, here's chapter 2!

 

 

 

>  [](http://imgur.com/UuDe7Cr)

 

 

**

Eren was freaking out.

They’d showed up to the courthouse early to avoid any mishaps, and tucked themselves away in a secluded corner. Armin and Mikasa were sitting on a bench, talking in low tones. Eren couldn’t understand how they could be so calm. He could only sit for so long before he had to get up and do something, so he paced.

It took 15 steps to walk from one end of the short hallway to the other. It took 15 steps to find his breathe. It took 15 steps to find his center. Each time he made a pass, he could feel the excess energy leaving his body. He felt more in control. Soon twelve people were going to be responsible for deciding the fate of a disgusting human being, and all Eren could do was wait for his time to testify. He didn’t want to leave Armin alone to the vipers, but he had no choice. He had to wait for them to call him to testify, and who knew how long that was going to take.

“Eren, if you don’t sit down, you’re going to make me dizzy.”

Eren stopped mid stride and looked at Armin. He dressed in slacks and a nice shirt, but his hands were clenched in his lap, and a slight frown marred his lips. Armin was just as nervous as he was, if not more. This was Armin’s life that was being dragged through the papers. How could he forget that?

“Sorry.” He bowed his head, scratching the back of his neck. “How are you holding up?”

Armin sighed. “Not great, but I’ll get through it.”

“I wish I could be in there with you.” Eren sat next to Armin leaving a space between them.

 “Me too.” Armin smiled gratefully. “But you’ll testify soon enough, and then you can be there for me for as long as this takes.”

“When I'm done, I’ll be sure to sit right behind you, so if you freak out, all you have to do is turn to me, and I’ll give you a smile.” Eren would rather give him a hug, but Armin still got nervous if people got too close to him.

“Armin, Mikasa it’s time to go in.”

The small group turned to see Levi standing at the hallway’s opening. Armin turned to look at Eren, eyes wide in panic.

“Don’t worry. Mikasa will be in there with you, along with the rest of our friends. Trust in the Smiths, and I’ll be in there soon.”

“Okay.” Armin took a deep breath. “I’m ready.” Armin and Mikasa stood and walked over to Levi.

“Don’t go too far kid. Someone will come get you when we’re ready for you.” Levi turned and walked away following behind Armin and Mikasa, leaving Eren alone to stew with his thoughts.

** 

 

> SMITH: Ladies and gentleman of the jury, today I stand before you with a heavy heart because it is my duty to present to you a horrific journey.
> 
> It started on the night of October 3rd, 2014, when Armin Arlert accompanied his friend, Eren Jaeger, to a party at the house of Alpha Nu Fraternity. It was there that he met the defendant, Marco Bodt. It was also where Marco Bodt raped him for the first time.
> 
> Mr. Bodt took pictures of this rape and used them to blackmail Mr. Arlert, threatening to release those photos for the world to see if he didn’t obey orders. He also told Mr. Arlert that as long as he obeyed, Mr. Bodt would call him a boy, something that Mr. Arlert craved because he is a transgendered male with gender dysphoria. This continued on for five months.
> 
> During that time, Mr. Arlert was forced to take part in sexual acts with multiple partners so that Mr. Bodt could gain favor among his associates. This only stopped because Mr. Arlert learned that the man he had grown to love saw him as no more than an object to play with. Upon hearing this declaration, Mr. Arlert attempted suicide but was saved through his friend’s quick thinking.
> 
> It is my job to prove to you that Mr. Bodt not only raped Mr. Arlert but blackmailed Mr. Arlert into having sex with several others as well as prostituted him, and if I do my job right, you will have no choice, but to find him guilty.
> 
> DOK: What Mr. Arlert went through, sounds like a horrific ordeal, if it actually happened that way, but who’s to say that it actually did? Fact: my client was in a loving relationship with Mr. Arlert. Fact: Sexually explicit photographs were taken. But what isn’t fact are the accusations Mr. Arlert has made against my client. I will prove to you that there is reasonable doubt that my client is guilty of those crimes. Once I am done, you will no choice but to find my client not guilty.

**

**Marco Bodt Trial under Way**

**By Jasmin Clarke**

_Marco Bodt was dressed to the nines, looking more like a movie star at a Hollywood premiere than a defendant on trial. For someone that’s in his final year of college and has his whole life ahead of him, the verdict could potentially ruin any future prospects._

_What he’s accused of: rape, blackmail, and pimping which is pretty hefty stuff for someone that’s only 23. The victim: his 19-year-old boyfriend. What makes this worse? The fact that he allegedly used his boyfriend’s gender dysphoria, a condition where a person is so horrified that their assigned gender and body is not what they identify with that it causes extreme distress, to get him to follow his orders._

_It’s hard to believe that such a promising young man would do something so heinous, but as the evidence is presented the harder it is to not believe it._

_Only time will tell if the jury decides to convict._

**

 

> SMITH: Please state your name and occupation for the record.
> 
> KIRSTEIN: Jean Francis Kirstein. I’m a–was a student at Sina University.
> 
> SMITH: Mr. Kirstein, what is your relation to the defendant?
> 
> KIRSTEIN: We’ve been friends since we were kids. We’re also frat brothers and roommates.
> 
> SMITH: So you would say you know Mr. Bodt well.
> 
> KIRSTEIN: Yeah. It’d be pretty hard not to.
> 
> SMITH: Have you known Mr. Bodt to be manipulative?
> 
> KIRSTEIN: All the time. He seems all nice and sweet until he doesn’t get something that he wants. Then he does whatever he has to, to get it, even if it’s a shi–crappy thing to do.
> 
> SMITH: Did he ever act that way with Mr. Arlert?
> 
> KIRSTEIN: Yeah.
> 
> SMITH: What kinds of things would he do?
> 
> KIRSTEIN: Marco would make him have sex with people all the time. He was our personal sex slave, and he’d use him–Armin–to get whatever he wanted from people. Sometimes he’d have him strip at private Alpha Nu gatherings or he’d make him act like furniture while he was naked. Like once he was a coat rack, and people just threw their coats on his head and arms. He had to stand in a corner the entire time. Another time, he made Armin give a blowjob to a guy delivering some kegs for a party. We were about $100 short, and Marco convinced the guy that a blow job from Armin was worth the missing money. He even had the new pledges have sex with him as a final test while the current members watched. He took photos every time he made Armin do something.
> 
> SMITH: I’d like to submit [exhibit A1-40]. Photographs that Mr. Bodt took of Mr. Arlert performing these sexual favors. May I approach the witness?
> 
> ZACKLEY: You may.
> 
> SMITH: Mr. Kirstein, are these some of the photographs that Mr. Bodt took of Mr. Arlert during those occasions?
> 
> KIRSTEIN: Yes.
> 
> SMITH: Did Mr. Arlert enjoy this sort of treatment?
> 
> DOK: Objection. Argumentative.
> 
> SMITH: I’ll rephrase. Did Mr. Arlert ever complain or resist doing any of the activities?
> 
> KIRSTEIN: At first, he complained a lot and was really hesitant to do anything where he was going to be naked in front of anyone except Marco, but then he started to just go along with it.
> 
> SMITH: Can you give us an example?
> 
> KIRSTEIN: Once I walked into our bedroom, and Armin was about to give Marco a blowjob. Armin was freaking out that I was there, but Marco acted like it was no big deal. Told him that he needed to make it up to me.
> 
> SMITH: And what did he make him do?
> 
> KIRSTEIN: He told him to have unprotected sex with me.
> 
> SMITH: But Mr. Arlert didn’t want to?
> 
> KIRSTEIN: No. He –Armin– looked kinda scared.
> 
> SMITH: Then how did Mr. Bodt convince him to have sex with you?
> 
> KIRSTEIN: He told him he was being a naughty girl. Armin looked crushed like how a little kid looks when they do something to disappoint their parents.
> 
> SMITH: Did Marco call him a girl often?
> 
> KIRSTEIN: Only when Armin wouldn’t do what he said or he’d ask him if he wanted to be a good boy.
> 
> SMITH: Didn’t you find any of this odd?
> 
> KIRSTEIN: Yeah.
> 
> SMITH: Then why didn’t you do anything to stop it?
> 
> KIRSTEIN: You learn that you don’t cross Marco when he wants something. He can make your life hell.
> 
> SMITH: And how do you know this?
> 
> KIRSTEIN: I’ve seen him do it before. When we were in high school, he ran for student body president. The person that ran against him was really popular and had awesome ideas. Marco told her to drop out of the running, but she didn’t. During the final speeches, those running were allowed to create short videos promoting themselves and they were played at the assembly. When it was her turn for the video to play, instead of what she submitted, it was a video of her having sex with one of the teachers. As a result, that teacher is in jail, and she transferred schools. Marco won. I asked him how he did it, and he said he had his ways and just laughed.
> 
> DOK: Objection, hearsay. How are we supposed to verify these statements? I would expect that the prosecution will be able to produce everyone involved in this incidence, as well as proof that my client was the person who instigated it.
> 
> ZACKLEY: Sustained. The jury will disregard Mr. Kirstein’s statements about the high school incident.
> 
> SMITH: Take us back to those private Alpha Nu gatherings. Did Mr. Bodt always have Mr. Arlert attend?
> 
> KIRSTEIN: Yeah. Armin was a part of the entertainment. A lot of the times recent alumni would drop by to check in, see how things were going.
> 
> SMITH: Was there any other reason the alumni would come to these private gatherings?
> 
> DOK: Objection, Your Honor. Where is this going?
> 
> ZACKLEY: He’s right Smith. Get to the point.
> 
> SMITH: Did you ever see Mr. Bodt offer Mr. Arlert to any of the alumni in exchange for donations?
> 
> KIRSTEIN: (whispers) Yes.
> 
> SMITH: What was that?
> 
> KIRSTEIN: (Louder) I said yes.
> 
> (Commotion in the gallery)
> 
> ZACKLEY: (Bangs gavel) Order in the courtroom!
> 
> SMITH: Nothing further.
> 
> DOK: Mr. Kirstein, you said you were a longtime friend of my client, so why would you turn on him now?
> 
> KIRSTEIN: Because I feel horrible for what I did.
> 
> DOK: But you said that my client would do anything to get his way even if it took ruining other people lives and that you were afraid of what he would possibly do if you crossed him.
> 
> KIRSTEIN: If Marco decided that he wanted to ruin my life, it’s a bit late for that since I’m currently serving time for what I did to Armin, and even if he discovered some way to make things worse for me, I’d probably deserve it.
> 
> DOK: Did the prosecution offer you a deal to testify on their behalf?
> 
> SMITH: Objection!
> 
> DOK: Goes to the credibility if the witness, Your Honor.
> 
> ZACKLEY: Overruled. Answer the question.
> 
> KIRSTEIN: Yes bu–
> 
> DOK: So you’re selling out one of your oldest friends to get less jail time?
> 
> KIRSTEIN: No because I didn’t take the deal! I deserve everything I’m getting because I stood by and didn’t do anything and Marco deserves the same. What he did was sick and twisted, but what I did was worse and I’m sorry. (Turns to Armin) I’m so fucking sorry.
> 
> ZACKLEY: Language, Mr. Kirstein.
> 
> KIRSTEIN: Sorry.
> 
> DOK: How long have you known Mr. Arlert?
> 
> KIRSTEIN: Not very long. Just the length of his and Marco’s relationship.
> 
> DOK: At the time that you met did you know that Mr. Arlert was pre-op transgendered?
> 
> KIRSTEIN: No. I only found out the first time Armin and I had sex.
> 
> DOK: So could it be possible that Mr. Arlert learned of Mr. Bodt’s wealth, got close to him, and acted the reluctant virgin just so he could later cry rape and get a hefty payout?
> 
> SMITH: Objection! Inflammatory.
> 
> ZACKLEY: Sustained.
> 
> DOK: Nothing further.

**

**The Crappy Things about Being a Trans Supporter**

**By Annie Leonhardt**

_Being the friend of someone transgendered sucks, but not in the way you think. One of my good friends is trans, and he is the most amazing person you’d ever meet. But the rest of the world doesn’t see him that way, so being forced to sit by while people make snap judgments about someone I care about, is the worst._

_I constantly hear thing like “She’s really just a confused girl that needs some therapy” or “She’s just some freak that wishes she had a dick,” but he didn’t ask for anyone’s opinion, and he certainly doesn’t need to be treated as anything other than human._

_So with all controversy surrounding the Marco Bodt rape trial, I felt that it was important to get the facts on violence in the transgendered community. The information that I found was not only disheartening but frustrating. Disheartening because it was difficult to find up to date statistics, and frustrating because the information that I found was terrifying._

_According to an article I found from the National Center for Lesbian Rights, 64% of Trans people have experienced sexual violence in their life. In the National Coalition for Anti-violence Program’s Toolkit for Transgendered Intimate Partner Violence, it states that in 2012 there were 21 trans intimate partner violence-related homicides, transgender survivors are 2xs more likely to face threats/intimidation, harassment, or face anti-LGBTQ bias within intimate partner violence, transgender women are more likely to suffer injuries and require medical attention due to intimate partner violence, and transgender survivors of intimate partner violence were 4.4xs more likely to face police violence._

_So what does all this mean?_

_Basically that, transgendered people, in comparison to those that are cisgendered and others in the LGBT community, get the raw end of the stick when it comes to domestic violence and getting the help they need to get out of those situations. It also means that those who are capable of giving them that help, instead discriminate against them, making them jerks.  What ever happened to protect and serve or providing aid to those in need? Last time I checked, there wasn’t a clause stipulating to only help those that fit in with a person’s worldview._

_Now I can understand why someone would be hesitant to help someone that’s different. Differences scare people because it’s unknown, and it’s that fear that rules their judgment. They hide behind whatever excuse they have because they don’t want to face that fear. I remember growing up as a child being afraid of the dark, and for the longest time, I refused to go to bed without my nightlight turned on. Why? Because I was afraid of the things that might attack me while I couldn’t see them. Now, I look back and see how silly I was. There was no danger to my well-being because my Dad did everything in his power to make sure that I was safe._

_In that way, society has nothing to fear from those that are transgendered. They’re just people like me and you. All they want is to live their lives to the fullest without having to look over their shoulder for the next attacker._

_So why should transgendered issues be important to cisgendered people, and how can we help them?_

_First of all, we’re all people, and we should treat others how we would want to be treated. No one, regardless of gender or sexual identity, is deserving of any kind of ill-treatment whether it’s intimate partner violence or snide remarks about someone’s mental health._

_And secondly, we need to encourage our policymakers and funders to work alongside the LGBTQ community to create programs and campaigns that educate people on issues the LGBTQ community faces, to create programs for LGBTQ intimate partner violence survivors, as well as to demand policies for service providers, healthcare providers and law enforcement that ensure they are trained to deal with transgendered intimate partner violence survivors. With more education, people will have less to fear since these issues will no longer be unknown. This will also help those in the medical field and law enforcement to give appropriate responses to those who are transgendered giving them more encouragement to seek the help they need, and with the programs, they’ll have additional support to get them through their situation._

_It may not seem like a lot, but to those that are Trans and Trans supporters, it could make the world of difference, and maybe being a friend of someone who’s trans will suck less._

_To learn more about Trans Violence, visit either the[Anti-violence Project’s](http://www.avp.org/) website or [Human Right’s Camping’s](http://www.hrc.org) website. For a full report of last year’s LGBTQ Hate Violence, [ click here](http://www.avp.org/storage/documents/Reports/2014_HV_Report-Final.pdf)._

**

 

> SMITH: Please state your name and occupation for the record.
> 
> JAEGER: Eren Mikael Jaeger and I’m a student at Sina University.
> 
> SMITH: What is your relation to Mr. Arlert and Mr. Bodt?
> 
> JAEGER: Armin’s been my best friend since we were kids. We were also roommates at school, and I know Marco because we were in the same department at the school.
> 
> SMITH: What was Armin like before he met Marco?
> 
> JAEGER: He was finally starting to be happy. He came out his last year of high school, and things were really rough for him then. His parents had died a few years back and dealing with that and all the crap from people at school…You could tell he was depressed, so I and the rest of his friends did everything we could to support him. He got better slowly. He was definitely much happier by the time we started at Sina. He felt more like who he should be though I could tell that he wasn’t 100 percent there yet.
> 
> SMITH: Did you notice a change once he started dating Mr. Bodt?
> 
> JAEGER: At first, he seemed happier. I was glad that he found someone that genuinely liked him regardless of the fact that he’s trans.
> 
> SMITH: But he didn’t stay that way?
> 
> JAEGER: No. He started getting less happy the longer they were together. He stopped hanging out with our friends. He wouldn’t show up for meal times. He even stopped coming back to our dorm room. When I did see him, he looked like he never slept or ate. He always had dark circles around his eyes and was really skinny, skinnier than normal.
> 
> SMITH: Did you confront him about it?
> 
> JAEGER: Yeah, but it didn’t go well. He got back late one night and collapsed on his bed. His shirt had rolled up on his stomach, and I noticed some nasty bruises, so I lifted it a bit more, and he had nasty claw marks and bruises all over. I asked him about it, and he got really defensive. Said that it was what Master wanted, and he deserved it because he’d been a bad girl. I asked him who Master was and why they’d call him a bad girl, but he told me to leave it alone and stormed off.
> 
> SMITH: That certainly doesn’t sound like someone in a loving relationship. Now I want you to take me back to the day that Mr. Arlert attempted suicide. What do you remember?
> 
> JAEGER: I got back to my dorm room and discovered that Armin’s side was mostly packed up. A few weeks before, he had filled out a dorm room transfer form, so I figured that they finally assigned him a new room. I freaked out because I was worried about him, but I didn’t know what to do. Not long after Marco showed up. I asked him why he was there, and he was rubbing it in that Armin was moving out. It pissed me off because he was so happy that he got Armin turned against me. I called him on it, and he said it didn’t matter what I said because Armin was his to do whatever he wanted with. He kept calling Armin a girl and said that all it took was some positive reinforcement to get Armin to put out—have sex with Marco and his friends. He also said that I should try it too. I got so angry that I was going to punch him, but before I could there was a noise at the door. It was Armin. He’d heard the last bit of what Marco said. He yelled at him then locked himself in the bathroom. I tried to talk him out, but he wouldn’t respond. I turned around to go get help, but Marco was nowhere to be seen. I had to go across the hall to one of my friends to get him to get the dorm manager and to call 911 while I tried to get the door open.
> 
> SMITH: Did Marco ever come back?
> 
> JAEGER: No.
> 
> SMITH: Did you see Marco anywhere else in the building when you finally left the room?
> 
> JAEGER: No.
> 
> SMITH: Did he ever visit Armin at the hospital?
> 
> JAEGER: No. I was there every day until Armin left from the time visiting hours opened to when they closed, and he never came by.
> 
> SMITH: Did he send flowers? A card?
> 
> JAEGER: No.
> 
> SMITH: Did anyone try to contact him to let him know what was going on?
> 
> JAGER: My sister Mikasa tried calling him and left him messages, but he didn’t respond. I also called his roommate Jean, who I’ve had some classes with. I told him what was going on, and he said that he’d talk to Marco when he saw him.
> 
> SMITH: So Mr.Bodt leaves his boyfriend in a state of severe distress, because of something that he said, but never once did he make an attempt to make up for it or to check on him?
> 
> JAEGER: No, he didn’t.
> 
> SMITH: And after repeated attempts to contact him to let him know that his boyfriend was in the hospital because he attempted to commit suicide, he never once visited or sent word that he’d heard what happened?
> 
> JAGER: No, he didn’t.
> 
> SMITH: In fact, according to this police report, [exhibit B], when they came to question him, he was trying to destroy evidence. That certainly doesn’t sound like a loving boyfriend to me. Nothing further.
> 
> DOK: Do you make it a habit of stripping your friends and invading their personal spaces?
> 
> JAGER: Only when I think something is wrong.
> 
> DOK: Only when you think something is wrong, hm? So when you saw those bruises on Mr. Arlert, you figured that he was in trouble?
> 
> JAEGER: Of course! He’d been looking bad for weeks, and I was worried about him. I wasn’t just going to let it go.
> 
> DOK: But how did you know he was in danger? Couldn’t he have been stressed out about school?
> 
> JAEGER: Well yes but—
> 
> DOK: And couldn’t he have gotten defensive about the bruises because he was ashamed that you saw an intimate side of him that he only shared with Marco?
> 
> JAEGER: I guess but tha–.
> 
> DOK: And is it possible that this “Master” that he was referring to could have been someone else?
> 
> JAEGER: Yes, but–
> 
> DOK: Are you typically a calm person?
> 
> JAEGER: Usually unless I’m really passionate about something; then I can get worked up.
> 
> DOK: Like if one of your friends is in perceived danger?
> 
> JAEGER: Yeah.
> 
> DOK: Like the night you crashed an Alpha Nu party and attacked one of its members?
> 
> SMITH: Objection. Relevance?
> 
> DOK: It goes to the character of the witness.
> 
> ZACKLEY: I’ll allow it.
> 
> DOK: On the night of March 3rd, 2015, did you or did you not crash am Alpha Nu party and attack one of its members?
> 
> JAEGER: I did, but–
> 
> DOK: Because you thought Mr. Arlert was in danger?
> 
> JEAGER: He was in danger!
> 
> DOK: Could you have been overreacting?
> 
> JAEGER: No!
> 
> DOK: But you said that you would do anything to protect your friends from perceived danger.
> 
> JAEGER: You’re twisting my words!
> 
> DOK: Did Mr. Arlert ask you to protect him?
> 
> JAEGER: No.
> 
> DOK: Then why would you go to such lengths?
> 
> JEAGER: Because he’s my friend, and he was hurting.
> 
> DOK: Do you love him?
> 
> SMITH: Objection. Relevance?
> 
> DOK: It goes to his motivation for protecting Mr. Arlert.
> 
> SMITH: Mr. Jaeger is not the one on trial.
> 
> ZACKLEY: That he is not, but I’ll allow it. Answer the question, Mr. Jaeger.
> 
> JAEGER: Of course I love him. He’s my best friend.
> 
> DOK: As more than a friend?
> 
> JAEGER: (Hesitates)
> 
> DOK: Your Honor?
> 
> ZACKLEY: Need I remind you that you are under oath?
> 
> JAEGER: No Your Honor.
> 
> ZACKLEY: Then answer the question.
> 
> JAEGER: (Whispers) Yes.
> 
> DOK: What was that?
> 
> JAEGER: (Louder) Yes!
> 
> DOK: So you’d do anything for him because you love him and want him for yourself?
> 
> JAEGER: I love him and will do whatever I can to help him because that’s what friends do regardless if he’ll date me or not. I would have done what I did even if he was into girls.
> 
> DOK: Nothing further.
> 
> SMITH: Redirect? Your Honor?
> 
> ZACKLEY: Proceed.
> 
> SMITH: Mr. Jaeger, why did you attack a member of Alpha Nu at that party?
> 
> JAEGER: Marco forced Armin to kiss a guy who won some stupid drinking competition, and Armin looked very uncomfortable. Marco just laughed. I couldn’t just stand there while it happened, so I reacted. I didn’t mean to go that far.
> 
> SMITH: You just wanted to protect your friend?
> 
> JAEGER: Yes.
> 
> SMITH: Nothing further.
> 
> ZACKLEY: You can step down. We’ll reconvene after lunch at 1 o’clock.

**

He loved him.

Eren Mikael Jaeger loved him, and Armin didn’t know how to handle it. How long had Eren known about his feelings? Why did he never say anything? Better yet, how did he not notice?

He couldn’t breathe. He needed to get out of the courtroom and fast.

“Armin!”

He tuned to see Eren chasing behind him. He bolted. He couldn’t face him now. It was too soon after that very public declaration, and he need time to think.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The links in this chapter are clickable and take you to the websites that were mentioned, and the data I researched is as accurate as the articles that I found. If you would like the links to those specific articles, here they are:
> 
> http://www.nclrights.org/sexual-assault-in-the-lgbt-community/  
> http://avp.org/storage/documents/ncavp_trans_ipvtoolkit.pdf
> 
> melloadams.tumblr.com


	3. The press prays for whichever headline’s worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to Remmy for helping me out with bits of this chapter. He helped me to make it better, so as a thank you, you should go read his Haikyuu! fic [Guns and Roses](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4709750/chapters/10756148) and leave him nice comments even if you're not in the fandom. Just go read it and thank me later, then go watch Haikyuu! and thank me later. 
> 
> Anyway here's the next chapter!

“Armin!” Eren tried to catch up to him, but the crowd was too thick.

“I’ll follow him,” Erwin offered. “He shouldn’t be alone right now.”

Erwin rushed to catch up with Armin and lead him away.

“Eren, we should grab something to eat.”

Eren looked at his sister and then looked at the dwindling form of his best friend. “Yeah.”

“He’ll be alright you know. He’s just in shock. Anyone would be after hearing something like that the way he did. You just have to give him time.” Mikasa rested her hand on his lower back and led him from the courtroom. “So what did you want to eat?”

“I’m not really that hungry.”

Mikasa frowned. “You need to eat something. You’ll be no good to anyone if you pass out from starvation later.”

“Are you going to make me eat something?”

“Yes.”

Eren sighed. “Fine, just not anything heavy. I’m trying to watch my figure.”

“Haha, looks like someone feels well enough to crack a joke.”

“I try.” Eren quirked his lips into a slight grin.

If only his smile reached his eyes.

**

 

 

> SMITH: Please state your name and occupation for the record.
> 
> ZACHARIAS: My name is Mike Zacharias, and I’ve worked as a behavioral analyst in the FBI for 15 years. 
> 
> SMITH: Have you viewed the photographs, [Exhibits A1-40], that the defendant took of Mr. Arlert?
> 
> ZACHARIAS: Yes, I have. In the earlier photos, Mr. Arlert shows signs of distress and shame, as well as resistance to the activities he participated in. As the photographs progress, he becomes more compliant and resigned. Based on how the photographs were taken, the photographer feels a sense of entitlement and control. The subject is always in a place of submission, and the photographs seem to say “This is my property. Look how beautiful it is.”    
> 
> SMITH: No further questions.
> 
> DOK: As a behavioral analyst, you help solve crimes by finding patterns in how people act and guessing their future actions?
> 
> ZACHARIAS: I wouldn’t say guessing. We analyze crime scenes and evidence to determine the type of person that would likely commit the crime to better narrow down a suspect pool. We also use the same methods to determine the type of person that would fit within the victim pool for those crimes.
> 
> DOK: So you create a hypothesis based on the information you’ve gathered and your knowledge of criminal psychology?
> 
> ZACHARIAS: Yes.
> 
> DOK: But isn’t a hypothesis just an educated guess?
> 
> ZACHARIAS:  Yes, but it’s based in scientific study.
> 
> DOK: Nothing further.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> SMITH: Please state your name and occupation for the record.
> 
> BRZENSKA: I’m Rico Brzenska, and I’ve worked as a clinical psychologist for 25 years.
> 
> SMITH: You interviewed both Mr. Arlert and Mr. Bodt separately. What did you find?
> 
> BRZENSKA: Mr. Arlert exhibited signs of abuse as well as Stockholm’s Syndrome, and Mr. Bodt exhibited narcissistic and abusive behavior. 
> 
> SMITH: Could you explain what Stockholm’s Syndrome is?
> 
> BRZENSKA: Yes. It is when a hostage or person in an abusive relationship identifies and creates an emotional bond with their captor or abuser. They end up believing that whatever that person is doing to them is justified, so they do everything in their power to assist or encourage the behavior. It has been documented that those suffering from this condition have attacked those that have tried to rescue them from the situation in order to protect their captor, and in the case of abusive relationships, the victim has been known to still feel love for their abuser or even jealousy when they know that their abuser is dating someone else.  
> 
> It’s a coping mechanism to help ensure the victims survival. 
> 
> SMITH: What makes someone susceptible to Stockholm’s Syndrome? 
> 
> BRZENSKA: People that are deemed weak, insecure, or are easily controlled. They can easily be broken down to what the abuser wants, and it leaves the victim looking for validation from their abusers.
> 
> SMITH: Does manipulation play a major role?
> 
> BRZENSKA: It does. It’s the primary way to get a victim to bend to someone else’s will.
> 
> SMITH: So the photos that Mr. Bodt took of Mr. Arlert and the intentional misgendering would be perfect tools to get someone in Mr. Arlert’s position to do what they want?
> 
> BRZENSKA: Yes.
> 
> SMITH: Nothing further.
> 
> DOK: Is it strange for couples to take erotic photos of each other?
> 
> BRZENSKA: No, it’s very common, but usually the photos include the other partner at some point.  The photos Mr. Bodt took of Mr. Arlert do not.
> 
> DOK:  Do photographers usually like to be photographed?
> 
> BRZENSKA: Not my area of expertise, but if I could hazard a guess I would say no.
> 
> DOK: Nothing further.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> SMITH: Please state your name and occupation for the record.
> 
> ARLERT: I’m Armin Arlert, and I was a student at Sina University.
> 
> SMITH: Was?
> 
> ARLERT: _(Shifts)_ I’ve had to put school on hold while I’ve been recovering, but I’ve decided not to go back there since someone leaked the photos Mas—Mar—Mr. Bodt took of me on Facebook, and a lot of students saw them. I’m too humiliated to go back.
> 
> SMITH: I’m so sorry to hear that. Now I know this may be hard, but can you tell me about the night that you met Mr. Bodt?
> 
> ARLERT: Uh, Eren was invited to an Alpha Nu party, and I went with him. After a few drinks, I got tired of the noise and smoke, so I went upstairs to an empty room and laid down on a bed. He—he came in sometime later and started taking pictures of me. We introduced ourselves then he asked if he could kiss me. I didn’t really respond.
> 
> SMITH: You mean Mr. Bodt?
> 
> ARLERT: Yes.
> 
> SMITH: So you didn’t say yes?
> 
> ARLERT: No, um, I didn’t really want to, but no one’s taken that kind of interest in me, so I—I figured he’d want to make out and that would be it. Then he asked if he could take off my c-clothes… I just shrugged, and he did. He took more pictures of me.
> 
> When he saw me naked, he said he thought I was a boy, and I told him I was. He just shrugged it off took more pictures and called me gorgeous. Then he…fingered and performed oral sex on me. I liked it so he continued, but then he stopped to get a condom. He undid his jeans, put it on, and had sex with me.
> 
> SMITH: At any time before or during the sex, did he ask you if it was ok that you both had sex?
> 
> ARLERT: No. He just talked dirty to me. I wasn’t expecting sex especially since I was a virgin and was only really getting used to being out, and I wasn’t all the comfortable with my body. It hurt, and I felt like I couldn’t b-breathe. I just wanted him to finish as soon as possible, so I could go back to my dorm room to shower.
> 
> SMITH: Why didn’t you tell him to stop?
> 
> ARLERT: He genuinely seemed to like me even though I wasn’t what he expected, and I didn’t want him to push me away.
> 
> SMITH: What happened after?
> 
> ARLERT: He pulled out and came all over my back. That’s when he noticed I was bleeding. He cleaned me up, we exchanged numbers, and he drove me back to my dorm. 
> 
> SMITH: These are the photos that Mr. Bodt took of Mr. Arlert’s first time. [Exhibit A1-5], You’re Honor.  As you can see, he’s covered in ejaculate and blood. Now did you intend to ever contact him again?
> 
> ARLERT: I thought about it because he didn’t treat me like a freak, but to be honest, I didn’t want to see him again. I was too embarrassed, but then he sent me a text.
> 
> SMITH: May I present [Exhibit B] to the witness, Your Honor?
> 
> ZACKLEY: You may.
> 
> SMITH: Was this the text? _(Hands Armin paper)_
> 
> ARLERT: Yes.
> 
> SMITH: Can you read it for us?
> 
> ARLERT: _(Reads) Do what I tell you or the entire campus will know what a slut you are._ He also attached a photo of me from that night.
> 
> SMITH: [Exhibit A3]. Was it this photo? It’s one of the many pictures that Mr. Bodt took during their initial encounter.
> 
> ARLERT: Yes.
> 
> SMITH: How long did it take him to get in contact with you after that?
> 
> ARLERT: Uh, I didn’t see or hear from him in two weeks. We accidentally met when Eren and I ran into him at an event held at the art department, which is both Eren’s and Mr. Bodt’s majors, but I didn’t know it at the time. Mr. Bodt approached me and pretended to be my boyfriend when Eren showed up. I went along with it because I wasn’t sure what he was going to do.
> 
> SMITH: Did he ever make good on his text?
> 
> ARLERT: Yes. He told me to show up at the Alpha Nu house. He told me to strip, or he’d get someone to post the photos he took of me on the school website.  I took off my clothes and when he brought out handcuffs I tried to leave, but he said that he’d only call me a boy if I was good. “Good boys do what Master tells them. Bad girls aren’t worth my time” is what he said, so I stayed.
> 
> SMITH: And you wanted—no needed—him to call you a boy?
> 
> ARLERT: Yes.
> 
> SMITH: Why?
> 
> ARLERT: I was diagnosed with gender identity disorder when I was 16 which basically means that I experience extreme distress that my outsides don’t match my insides. It was also the day that I was diagnosed that my parents died in a car accident that I was involved in, so all emotions dealing with my gender identity are heightened by the memories of the accident. 
> 
> SMITH: So every time Mr. Bodt called you a girl it caused you severe distress heightened by your parents’, so you’d do anything for him to call you a boy to make him stop?
> 
> ARLERT: Yes.
> 
> SMITH: Even if you were reluctant or didn’t want to do it?
> 
> ARLERT: Yes.
> 
> SMITH: What else did he make you do?
> 
> ARLERT: I had to have sex with his friends or perform sexual favors to get what he wanted even if the people I had sex with were too rough or wanted me to do things that I really didn’t want to do, but by that time I was happy to do it because he always made me feel better afterwards, like I was good and wanted and deserved the best in the world.
> 
> SMITH: If he treated you so badly why would you stay with him?
> 
> ARLERT: Because he made me feel nice sometimes. He didn’t think I was a freak for being born a girl, but identifying as a guy. I thought I found someone that loved me for me, and I didn’t want to lose that even though many things made me uncomfortable.
> 
> SMITH: You deserved so much better. Nothing further.
> 
> DOK: You were born Amelia Arlert?
> 
> ARLERT: _(Shifts)_ Y-yes.
> 
> DOK: But you changed your name to Armin to fit your gender identity.
> 
> ARLERT: Yes.
> 
> DOK: And given the chance you would go through procedures to make your outsides fit your insides?
> 
> ARLERT: _(Hesitates)_ Yes.
> 
> DOK: Why haven’t you yet?
> 
> ARLERT: My insurance won’t cover it fully, so I’d have to pay out of pocket, and I’m a college student on a full scholarship, so I can’t afford it.
> 
> DOK: So if an opportunity presented itself for you to get that money you would take it?
> 
> ARLERT: It depends on the opportunity.
> 
> DOK: Does crying rape fit?
> 
> SMITH: Objection! Argumentative.
> 
> DOK: I’ll rephrase. Would you take advantage of your rich boyfriend just to get your surgery?
> 
> ARLERT: No! I would never do something like that! I loved him!
> 
> DOK: Then why would you put someone you loved through something like this?
> 
> ARLERT: Because he took something from me that I can never get back! I was just starting to love myself, and he made me feel like crap. I took it because he said he loved me. I hoped he would change. I prayed he’d stop hurting me, but he didn’t, and when I learned that it was all a lie, I wanted to die because if he couldn’t love me then who would? No one deserves that! I don’t deserve that, and if I can keep that from happening to someone else, I’d do whatever it takes!
> 
> DOK: Whatever it takes, hm? So you’d lie?
> 
> ARLERT: No!
> 
> DOK: But you said whatever it takes.
> 
> ARLERT: I didn’t mean it that way.
> 
> DOK: It’s funny how what we say, and what we mean differ so much. Nothing further.
> 
> ZACKLEY: Does the prosecution have any more witnesses?
> 
> SMITH: No, You’re Honor. The prosecution rests.
> 
> ZACKLEY: I will assume the defense is ready to proceed?
> 
> DOK: Your Honor, I just received news that one of our key expert’s flight is being delayed and will not be in until late this evening at the earliest, so we’ll need a continuance. 
> 
> ZACKLEY: Then we’ll reconvene tomorrow morning at 9 am. If they’re not here you’ll just have to move on without them. Court is adjourned.

**

“I can’t believe that lawyer,” Eren growled as he paced back and forth in the rather large office.

Armin was of the same mindset. Those things that he said made his skin crawl.

“He’s just doing his job, Eren.” Erwin said looking as calm as ever.

“Well, his job sucks. He humiliated me and Armin up there! He’s the victim in all of this. Why is he the one being treated like a criminal? Armin did nothing wrong!”

“Oi, brat, you’re not making anything better. This is just how it goes. Ever hear of innocent until proven guilty?” Levi glared at Eren. “We actually have to prove without a reasonable doubt that Bodt is a scumbag.  They can’t just take our word for it.”   

“But what about the things that he said? What if some idiot thinks that he’s right?”

Erwin shook his head. “The evidence speaks for itself. If it was just the pictures and witness testimony, they would have a bit more wiggle room, but with Armin’s text messages, there’s no way that we can’t win this. It’s why they tried to get them thrown out before the trial started.” 

As Erwin spoke, Armin felt his worry ease. They just had to get through the next few days and this would all be over.

“Armin, you’ve been quiet. Are you ok?”

He looked up from his position curled up on the couch to see Mikasa kneeling in front of him. All eyes in the room turned to the pair of them. He looked back down at his knees. “I just want to go home and take a nap.”

“That actually sounds like a good idea, Armin.” Erwin smiled. “Go get some rest. Things will be better tomorrow.”

“If you want, I can call Dr. Ral. See if she’s available to talk later today.” Mikasa offered.

“That actually sounds good. Would you mind taking me if she is?” Armin quickly glanced at Eren to see him frown, then look away.

Mikasa shifted to look at her brother in concern, but he walked out of the room.  “Sure, if that’s what you want, and don’t worry about him. He’ll be fine. You just have to do what’s best for you.”

“Ok.” Armin sighed.

He hoped that Mikasa was right. He couldn’t bear to think of the alternative.

**

“I know things are rough right now, how are you holding up?” Petra looked at him face lined in concern.

“I don’t know. Everything is just...” Armin stared off into to the distance unseeingly.

 “Overwhelming?” Petra offered.

“Yeah. So much happened today, I don’t even know if it went well. My lawyer says that everything is fine, but I just don’t know how to process it all.”

Petra smiled. “Well, that’s what I’m here for. Where would you like to start?”

“Um… Well, Eren um was forced to admit that he l-loved me…as more than a friend.” Armin looked down at his lap, hands grasping at the material of his pants.

“How do you feel about that?”

“I don’t know… I never thought…He never said or—or did anything that would make me think that. Why didn’t he tell me? I just—if I had known…” He snorted. “I don’t know what I’d have done if he had told me.”

“Maybe he didn’t want to tell you so that you didn’t feel pressured. Depending on when he realized, you could have just come out, and he didn’t want his feelings for you to make things more difficult. Do you think he’s ever pressured you in that way or made you feel uncomfortable?”

“No.” Armin shifted in his seat. “He’s always told me that if anyone ever tried to force a relationship on me that I should kick them in the shins and run away.” He smiled fondly. “He’s always been supportive in that way.”

“Do you think you could love him as more than a friend?”

“I don’t know. Maybe?” He scratched the back of his neck. “It’s just…confusing.”

“Things like this are always confusing, especially when you don’t know what you want. The best thing to do in these situations is to not worry about it. Take your time to figure out what you want. You’re still trying to process what happened to you, and until you come to terms with it, you’ll only hurt yourself and the person you’re in a relationship with. You need to be able to define who you are, and what you want outside of a relationship. You’ll only complicate things and be pushed into something that you’ll regret later on.”

**

 

> [ ](http://imgur.com/pKJ8M3P)

 

**

 

>  
> 
> DOK: Please state your name and occupation for the record.
> 
> SCHULTZ: My name is Gunther Schultz, and I’m a professor of photography at Sina University.
> 
> DOK: You’re one of my client’s professors correct?
> 
> SCHULTZ: Yes, Mr. Bodt has taken several of my photography courses, and I’m his major advisor.
> 
> DOK: What’s his behavior like in and outside of class?
> 
> SCHULTZ: He’s popular among his peers not because he’s mean and everybody fears him, but because he’s genuinely nice. He’s always helpful with other students and department events, and always wants to do the right thing. He’s self-conscious.
> 
> DOK: In what way?
> 
> SCHULTZ: He questions the quality of his work, and compliments make him bashful. Nothing makes him blush faster than to tell him he’s done good work on something.
> 
> DOK: Has he ever exhibited any behavior that’s violent or manipulative?
> 
> SCHULTZ: No, he couldn’t hurt a fly.
> 
> DOK: Nothing further.
> 
> SMITH: Have you ever observed Mr. Bodt in his private life, like at home?
> 
> SCHULTZ: No.
> 
> SMITH: Have you ever met him outside of art-related functions?
> 
> SCHULTZ: No.
> 
> SMITH: Then how can you say for sure that he couldn’t hurt a fly if you haven’t seen him in every type of environment?
> 
> SCHULTZ: I can’t.
> 
> SMITH: _(Grabs papers)_ [Exhibit C]. These are threatening text messages that Mr. Bodt sent to Mr. Arlert from his cell phone. Can you read the highlighted portion for me for me, please?  
> 
> SCHULTZ: _(Reads)_ _If you flake on me this time, you’ll regret ditching me to see your friends. Your ass will be so black and blue you won’t be able to sit for months unless it’s on my cock._
> 
> SMITH: And the next one.
> 
> SCHULTZ: _Stop being such a whiny bitch ass girl. You should be thankful that Jean wanted to cum inside you. That shit is white gold. Next time I’m going to make the entire frat cum in you and on you so much you’ll be desperate for just a taste, but I won’t let you have it._
> 
> SMITH: And the next one.
> 
> SCHULTZ: _If you don’t come to this party, after practice, I’m going to tie you down to a bench in the soccer team’s locker room with a sign painted on your ass saying fuck me. Then we’ll see if you’ll obey orders._
> 
> SMITH:  In your opinion, does that sound like someone that wouldn’t hurt a fly?
> 
> SCHULTZ: No.
> 
>  SMITH: Nothing further.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> DOK: Please state your name and occupation for the record.
> 
> ZOE: I’m Hange Zoe, and I’m a licensed therapist specializing in sexual therapy, specifically in domination.
> 
> DOK: So in other words we could call you a professional dominatrix?
> 
> ZOE: You can if you’d like.
> 
> DOK: What entails a relationship based on BDSM?
> 
> ZOE: You have a Dominant partner who receives pleasure from taking care of all the needs of their submissive partner—in a sense controlling them, and the submissive partner receives pleasure from giving up control in certain aspects of their life to their Dominant partner. It goes much deeper than that, but those are the basics. Then there’s also the discussion of a contract where the partners figure out in detail what their relationship will entail.  It’s all done to make sure the relationship is safe, sane, and consensual. 
> 
> DOK: Based on the pictures taken by my client, do they depict a typical BDSM relationship?
> 
> ZOE: It depends on what was negotiated. Some Doms are fine with letting other Doms play with their subs, some aren’t.
> 
> DOK: But it fits within the realm?
> 
> ZOE: Yes.
> 
> DOK: Does anything in the pictures concern you?
> 
> ZOE: There’s a lack of condoms, but that’s something that could have been discussed beforehand, but since I wasn’t there, I can’t really know. Other than that, it looks like a typical scene.
> 
> DOK: Nothing further.
> 
> SMITH: Based on a picture can you tell if consent was given?
> 
> ZOE: Judging by the looks of it, it seems like everyone consented.
> 
> SMITH: But how are you sure? You said yourself that you didn’t know if the lack of condoms was negotiated so how can you be sure consent was given?
> 
> ZOE: You can’t.
> 
> SMITH: While you were looking over the photographs, were you also given a contract that detailed Mr. Arlert’s and Mr. Bodt’s relationship?
> 
> ZOE: No, I wasn’t, but these contracts aren’t legally binding so I’m not surprised that I wasn’t presented with one.
> 
> SMITH: But if you were presented with one, would that reassure you that consent was given for this type of relationship?
> 
> ZOE: Yes, it would. At its core, BDSM relationships are all about keeping things controlled. The more control over a scene, the less likely for something to go horribly wrong. It’s why we put safeguards in place, like contracts and safe words. It’s all about keeping things safe, sane, and consensual.
> 
> SMITH: What exactly does safe, sane, and consensual mean?
> 
> ZOE: I thought you’d never ask. Safe means that any attempts in activities should be made to identify and prevent risks to health. So if a potentially dangerous activity is going to take place, say the submissive partner is going to be suspended from a rig by ropes, you take measures to make sure that the ties are done properly and aren’t going to cause any strain and that if an emergency happens that the sub can be removed quickly and efficiently.
> 
> Sane means activities should be undertaken in a sane and sensible frame of mind, so no mind altering substances which include heavy pain killers, illegal drugs, or alcohol and no doing scenes when angry or anxious, pretty much over emotional in general. This is to ensure that all lines of communication are open and clear, that no emotions cause distress or cloud someone’s judgment, and that no one goes further than they should. For example, a friend that was new to the scene unknowingly subbed for a Dom who was no longer a part of our community but had lied and said that she came recommended by me. She was ejected because she had a penchant for snorting coke before any activities. In the middle of the scene or role play for those unfamiliar with the terms, the Dom was getting too rough and was ignoring the safe word. The sub, who luckily wasn’t restrained, had to physically beat them off to get away. This is a prime reason that we put such strict rules in place.
> 
> Finally consensual means all activities should involve the full consent of all parties involved. So if one person says no nothing happens or the activity stops. It doesn’t matter if it’s in the middle of an activity, if the activity hasn’t started yet, or if they’re just discussing the activity, if someone says no then they mean no and no amount of trying to change their mind will change their answer. Even if a person doesn’t outright say no or they just seem uncomfortable with the whole situation, you should stop whatever is going on and ask them if it’s okay until you get a firm yes or no. By going forward with any activity without a firm resounding yes or ignoring a person’s no, or not even asking if something is okay, it makes you a douchebag.
> 
> _(Laughter in the courtroom.)_
> 
> ZACKLEY: _(Bangs gavel)_ Order! Order! _(Courtroom quiets.)_ I do not tolerate inappropriate language in my courtroom, Ms. Zoe.
> 
> ZOE: Sorry Your Honor, and it’s M. Zoe.  I’m gender neutral.
> 
> ZACKLEY: My apologies M. Zoe. Please keep it clean.
> 
> ZOE: Sure thing! By not keeping things safe, sane, and consensual, it makes you a big jerk.
> 
> SMITH: So at any time that Mr. Bodt neglected to ask Mr. Arlert if it was okay to have sex or perform a sexual act, he was being a “big jerk”.
> 
> ZOE: If he neglected to do so at any time, which I am not aware of any such instance, he would have been a big jerk, yes.
> 
> SMITH: Nothing further.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> DOK: Please state your name and occupation for the record.
> 
> BOSSARD: I’m Auruo Bossard, and I’m a professional photographer working in the modeling industry. I’m most known for pushing the envelope in what’s conceived as appropriate. 
> 
> DOK: Are you familiar with Mr. Bodt’s work?
> 
> BOSSARD: Yes, his work is the reason why I chose him as a part of my internship program.
> 
> DOK: As a photographer is it common to push boundaries in the themes and subject matter of the photoshoot?
> 
> BOSSARD: Yeah. I believe that as an artist the more unconventional the artwork is the better. It makes people talk, question, analyze.
> 
> DOK: In your professional opinion, would you consider the photos that Mr. Bodt took of Mr. Arlert art?  
> 
> BOSSARD: Yes. Just because the photos are of a sexual nature doesn’t negate the art. It’s exploring sex, sexuality, even gender norms.
> 
> DOK: But isn’t it just glorified porn?
> 
> BOSSARD: To some unenlightened people it is. The difference between porn and art is the purpose. Porn is meant to arouse the body while art is meant to arouse the mind.
> 
> DOK: Nothing further.
> 
> SMITH: For your photoshoots, do you require contracts for your models?
> 
> BOSSARD: Yes.
> 
> SMITH: What do they usually include?
> 
> BOSSARD: How they’ll be compensated, authorization to use their images however I see fit, agreement that the model will perform whatever tasks they’ve been given. Legal stuff. 
> 
> SMITH: So before any photo shoot where you use a model, you have them sign paperwork for legal issues?
> 
> BOSSARD: Yes.
> 
> SMITH: Even if it’s an amateur photo shoot?
> 
> BOSSARD: Yes. You never know when something will come back to bite you.
> 
> SMITH: In your professional opinion, what would you call someone that doesn’t use those precautions?
> 
> DOK: Objection.
> 
> SMITH: I’ll rephrase. Is it unwise for someone to not use a contract where any legal matter can arise?
> 
> BOSSARD: Yes.
> 
> SMITH: So that would make Mr. Bodt unwise?
> 
> DOK: Objection. Inflammatory.
> 
> SMITH: Mr. Bodt had no such paperwork for any of these alleged photo shoots, so who’s to say that there was consent to do any of this? And by expert’s own definition that would make the defendant unwise in his actions.
> 
> ZACKLEY: He has a point. Sustained.
> 
> SMITH: Nothing further
> 
> ZACKLEY: Does the defense have any more witnesses?
> 
> DOK: No, You’re Honor. The defense rests.
> 
> ZACKLEY: Then we’ll hear closing arguments. Ladies and gentlemen of the Jury have you been instructed on what you’re supposed to do?
> 
> FOREMAN: Yes, You’re Honor.
> 
> ZACKLEY: Then the prosecution can proceed with their closing arguments.
> 
> SMITH: “The ordinary response to atrocities is to banish them from consciousness.... Certain violations of the social compact are too terrible to utter aloud: this is the meaning of the word ‘unspeakable’... Atrocities, however, refuse to be buried... Remembering and telling the truth about terrible events are prerequisites for the restoration of the social order and for the healing of individual victims... When the truth is finally recognized, survivors can begin their recovery. But far too often secrecy prevails, and the story of the traumatic event surfaces not as a verbal narrative but as a symptom...” That was a quote by Judith Lewis Herman on Trauma and Recovery. 
> 
> What Mr. Arlert went through was traumatic. He was manipulated, raped, misgendered, and dehumanized by Marco Bodt over a period of five months.  Mr. Bodt forced Mr. Arlert to have sex with not only him, but several others, and when Mr. Arlert resisted, he called him a girl knowing that it caused him extreme distress, sent him threatening text messages and told him that photographs of his numerous rapes would be exposed on the internet.  This is not the behavior of an upstanding student. This is not the behavior of a person that always wants to do the right thing. This is the behavior of a vicious person that only cares for himself.
> 
> As the jury, you have the power in your hands to restore social order. You have the power to recognize the truth in this case. Don’t silence Mr. Arlert’s story. Don’t impede his healing process. Find Marco Bodt guilty, and don’t let this become just another symptom of corruption in our society.
> 
> DOK:   There’s a famous Turkish saying that goes, “The candle of someone who lies almost always burns just to midnight. After his candle goes out, nobody gives him any light. He remains without light.”
> 
> Mr. Arlert’s story is tragic, but it’s only a story that the prosecution has failed to prove beyond a reasonable doubt. Mr. Arlert could have lied about being raped, and he could have lied about how Mr. Bodt treated him. Those text messages were sent from my client’s phone, but who’s to say that my client actually sent them? Those photographs of the alleged rapes could simply be of consensual sex. Aggressive sex, but consensual none the less.
> 
> Armin Arlert could have used his gender status and embarrassment over the acts that he committed to force Marco Bodt into a corner. If Mr. Bodt took the blame, he wouldn’t have to own up to his own actions. He could scrape by as nothing more than another victim. Don’t let his actions condemn my client for something that he didn’t do. Don’t let his actions keep real victims from finding justice.

**

Eren glared and the group standing on the courthouse steps being interviewed by the press.

“I feel that my client will receive what he deserves. It’s all in the jury’s hands now, and hopefully they’ll make the right decision. That’s all I have to say.” Nile Dok, Marco’s lawyer, pressed through the crowd.

Eren wanted to punch him in the throat. He took a step towards Dok, but he felt a hand on his arm. He looked behind him to see Armin with a frown on his face.

“Eren don’t. It’s not worth it.”

Eren took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “They just make me so angry. You don’t deserve any of this.”

“I don’t, but it can’t be helped. We just have to hope that the jury realizes that Mullet’s full of crap.” Armin smiled sadly.

Eren snorted. “Yeah. Wanna go home? Have a movie night?”

Armin smiled shyly. “That sounds great.”

They turned to leave when they saw Erwin and Levi on the steps.

“Do you have a comment?”

“Do you think the jury will convict?”

The crowd of reporters fired question after question.

“All I have to say is this: justice will prevail.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usually, closing arguments are done at a separate time to allow for the lawyers to prepare something catchy, but for the sake of fiction they had something prepped already. 
> 
> melloadams.tumblr.com


	4. In the above entitled actions we find the defendant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day?! What is this? So I figured that I'd give you both today as a treat since 1) My school break ends today, and 2) I got a 4.0 last term so this is as much as a gift for me as it is for you! Also look for my next fic This Isn't Some Fairy Tale a WinMin fairy tale AU in the next coming months. I'll also be posting the original work from my fiction writing class this past term.
> 
> I really hope you guys enjoy this last chapter as much as I did! This has been a big chunk of my life since I posted Good Enough last December, and this trilogy has been my best work to date and I'm really proud of it. 
> 
> Thanks again to Remmy who gave me the idea for Good Enough in the first place as well as for all the help he's given me across the trilogy. I couldn't have done this without him.
> 
> With out further delay, here's the last chapter!

Erwin stared at the pile of newspapers surrounding him. He went out early that morning to collect them as was his habit after a major case of his went to the jury. He had a perverse need to see what the public thought, as they were an indicator of which way the jury might swing. Today, the headlines seemed to tip in his favor.

_Justice Will Prevail._

_When College Boys Go Bad._

_A Call for Justice: Students Rally in Support for Victims of Rape and Trans Violence._

“You know you shouldn’t be reading those, right?”

Erwin looked up from the island to see Levi walking into the kitchen. “What’s so wrong with reading the paper?”

Levi arched his eyebrow as he filled the kettle for some tea. “You’re not reading a paper. You probably bought out the whole stand by the looks of it.”

Erwin smirked. “Not quite. That would require a great sum of money.”

“Which we could afford between the two of us.” The kettle beeped, and Levi grabbed it to fill his mug. “What do they say?

“I thought you said I shouldn’t be reading this stuff.” Erwin grinned.

Levi crossed his arms. “When have you ever listened to me when I’ve told you not to do something?”

“Touché.”  Erwin grabbed the nearest paper. “It looks like everyone is in favor of convicting Bodt.”

Levi took a sip of his tea. “No surprise there. Your case was air tight. I’m surprised they didn’t cut a deal.”

Erwin snorted. “Well, when you’re a narcissist who thinks you can do no wrong, and you have daddy’s money behind you, you figure you can get out of anything.”

Erwin’s phone rang. He picked it hoping that the jury made their decision.

“Who was that?” Levi pulled out things for breakfast.

“The court. Jury’s made their decision.”

**

> [ ](http://imgur.com/Hrolfzt)

**

>  
> 
> ZACKLEY: Mr. Foreman, members of the jury, have you reached this verdict unanimously?
> 
> FOREMAN: We have your honor.
> 
> _(Clerk hands judge the verdict)_
> 
> ZACKLEY: Members of the jury, listen to your verdict as the court does not record it. You find the accused Marco Bodt…

 

**

Guilty.

Armin couldn’t hear anything beyond that. He was convicted by a jury of his peers. He wasn’t going free. He couldn’t hurt him anymore. He couldn’t hurt anyone else anymore.

He was free.

“Armin?”

He turned around to see Eren frowning behind him.

“You’re crying.”

He brought his hand up to his face and brushed his cheek.

Wet.

“Huh, I guess I am.” He continued to wipe at his eyes.

“Are you ok? You were pretty spaced out there.” Eren sat down next to him. 

 “I’m great. I feel great.” He beamed.

“Good.” Eren smiled back. “Everyone’s waiting for us.”

Armin looked around the courtroom and found it mostly empty. “Where did they go?”

“Erwin’s talking to the press, and everyone else is getting the car. They figured you needed some time to yourself to process things.”

Armin frowned. “Why are you still here?”

“I figured that you’d need a friend when you finally came back to yourself.” Eren shrugged.

Armin looked at his lap. “Thank you.”

Eren looked at him puzzled. “For what?”

Armin faced him, a frown marring his lips. “For not giving up on me. For helping me through all of this.”

Eren shook his head. “You don’t have to thank me for that. It’s what friends do.”

“Still, I appreciate it.” Armin looked away and stood. “We should probably get going. Everyone’s probably wondering where we are.”

Eren stood following behind him. “Things are going to start looking up from now on.”

Armin closed his eyes, and when opened them, he smiled.   “Yeah, they are.”

**

> [ ](http://imgur.com/bK4DmmL)

**

“Are you sure you want to do this alone?” Eren looked at him worriedly. “You know I’ll go with you if you want.”

Armin scratched the back of his head. “It’s better if I go alone. You might end up in the cell right beside his if you do. Thanks for the offer, though.”

Eren pursed his lips nodding his head. “You’re probably right. I’ll be right out here in the waiting area.”

Armin nodded his head. “Ok.”

He took a deep breath and turned to follow the guard. He was brought to a room with a bank of phones. On either side of the phone was a divider for privacy, what little bit they could afford in a place like this, and across from the phone was a sheet of clear protective plastic. The guard directed him to one of the empty phones. A few minutes later, the whole reason for his visit came into view and sat across from him. Armin waited for the man to pick up the phone before he picked up his.

“M-Marco,” he breathed into the phone.

Marco smirked. “Hey, babe. I didn’t expect you to visit me so soon.”

Armin looked down at his lap. “Don’t call me that.” He took a deep breath and looked Marco in the face. “You lost the right to call me that after what you did to me… You never had the right to call me that in the first place.”

Marco raised an eyebrow. “Says the one that never once complained.” He leaned closer to the window. “And if I recall it right, you used to beg me for it,” He smirked closing his eyes. “The noises you would make….” He moaned, opening his eyes. “They’ll fuel my fantasies until I can get out of this place.”

“You disgust me.”

Marco laughed. “You’re the one that let me make you my toy. What does that say about you?”

“It says,” Armin ground out, “that you took advantage of my condition to get what you wanted out of me.”

Marco rolled his eyes. “And who told you that?”

Armin remained silent.

“Oh please don’t tell me you’re seeing a psychiatrist?”

Armin looked away.

“Ha! You are, aren’t you?” Marco laughed again. “Does the little girl need someone else to tell them who they are?”

Armin glared. “I’m not a girl, and you know what? No, I don’t need some else to tell me who I am because I already know who I am. I just needed someone to remind me because you made me forget.” Armin sighed. “I should have never have gotten involved with you. I should have stood up for myself, but I was too scared. I’m not anymore. I’m standing up for myself now, and I’m telling you that I’m better and worth more than you could ever know.” He shook his head. “And I feel sorry for you because the only reason why people stayed around you was because they were afraid of you. They were afraid of what you’d do to them if they left. Now, no one has to ever be afraid of you again.” Armin hung up the phone and left.

When he got back to the waiting room, Eren was still there, looking at his phone. He walked over to him and sat down. Eren looked up at him and smiled.

“Are you ready to go?”

Armin nodded his head.

“Are you okay?”

“Mhm,” Armin breathed and stood. “Let’s get going. I still have my appointment to get to.” He wasn’t sure why he wanted to see Marco in the first place, but now that it was over with, a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, and he could breathe much easier. 

**

“I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel.” Armin shrugged his shoulders. “A part of me is glad that it’s all over, but there’s this part that—that’s lost? Like I don’t know what I should be doing now that he’s gone. There’s this hole that he used to fill, and part of me… misses him. Is that normal?”

Dr. Ral clicked her pen and sighed. “How do I put this? Those that suffer from abuse like you did grow so accustomed to it that in order to protect themselves mentally, they being to identify with their abuser. It’s a way to make them less threatening.” She sat up and leaned forward. “It creates this bond that makes it very hard for the victim to want to leave or ever harm their abuser. When the victim is removed from the situation, those feelings will linger for some time, but that doesn’t mean you’re broken or a freak. It just means that it’s going to take time to heal.” She smiled. “What’s most important is that you don’t hide what you’re feeling, and to seek support. Keep talking to me, your friends, and family. Let us know when things are bothering you. The more you open up, the easier it gets, and the more you heal.”

“I’ve actually started going to a support group for trans people that you suggested.”

Dr. Ral grinned. “That’s great! How do you like it so far?”

Armin shrugged. “It’s ok. I haven’t really spoken yet, but everyone seems nice. “

“And that’s ok. Only speak when you’re ready.” Dr. Ral made a note in her notepad. “Now, do you have an idea of what you want to do now that the trial is over?”

“I really want to go back to school, not Sina, but another school. I can only do so much in my major online, but I don’t feel comfortable going back there.” Armin sighed. “I just want things to be normal again though I know they won’t be. I want to no longer be afraid of people touching me or getting too close. I know it takes time, but it just sucks.”

“Focus on the positives. You’re taking steps in the right direction by getting the help you need and making plans for the future. The best way to beat this is to live your life to the fullest, surrounding yourself with a strong support system, and to not let your fears or setbacks keep you from the things that you want. Fear is expected. Setbacks are expected, but it’s how you recover that determines where you’re going to go.”

**

Armin walked out of his session feeling refreshed. For the first time in months, things seemed to be looking up for him. He never thought it was going to be possible to be happy again, but slowly and steadily the light at the end of the tunnel was getting closer.

“Armin!”

He turned to see Eren waving at him from his parking spot, and he walked over getting into the car. “Hey, Eren.”

“Ready to go?”

“Yep.” Armin nodded his head.

“Good cause I’m starving.” Eren moaned. “I feel like I have eaten in years.”

Armin rolled his eyes buckling his seat belt. “If you hadn’t eaten in years, you’d be skeletal because your body would have started consuming your fat and muscle for energy.”

Eren groaned. “I said feel like. Why do you have to take that sciencey stuff so seriously?”

“You do realize that that ‘sciency stuff’ is part of the reason why—”

“Noooooo! Don’t do it Armin. Don’t do the sciencey stuff! My poor artistic brain can’t handle it.” Eren whined.

Armin burst out laughing, and at that moment he realized that he could never imagine his life without his best friend. “I promise to stop the sciencey stuff if you promise to take me to The Flaming Cabbage for lunch.”

“Is that the new vegetarian place that opened up near campus?” Eren made a face.

“Yes and it's Jamaican vegan. I heard it so good, that you don’t even miss the meat.”

“I highly doubt that,” Eren said skeptically. “But if you won’t talk the science, I guess I’ll take you.” He smiled. “So how did your appointment go?”

“Good.” Armin took a deep breath. “Things are slowly coming together.”

“I’m really happy for you.” Eren quickly glanced at him.

“I’m happy for me too.”

Armin didn’t know if he’d ever be able to reciprocate Eren’s feelings for him. He didn’t even know if he’d ever be able to handle a relationship. But what he did know was that Eren would be there for him no matter what, and that was good enough for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> melloadams.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> I know I mentioned that Armin's name was released in the press, and you may be thinking to yourself, "Isn't that illegal?" And to answer your question, sadly to say it is not my friend, at least not in America. It's just very frowned upon.
> 
>  
> 
> melloadams.tumblr.com


End file.
